Daze One …
Folks, if you are sports fan, you have been hosted to a number of fantastic events in recent days, such as the Super Bowl, then, a little after that, the Sochi Winter Olympic Games, hosted by world leader, the Russian dictator Vladimir Putin, and attended by a bunch of media people, as well as those who can afford to buy tickets for such things, and, of course, the athletes themselves, an international herd of gravity game neophytes and wannabe glamsters on skates and skis and snowboards, all going for the gold, except for one person who had the nerve to leave the scene because she, a Ukranian athlete, Adelina Sotnikova, couldn’t stomach the revelry knowing a violent revolution was going on back home.
Which is a shame, of course … too bad there isn’t a medal for that.
Next year, Arizona will host the Super Bowl. Dunno what the Roman numeral for it but No. 49 going to be a big one. The state’s governor, Jan Brewer, vetoed the controversial S.B. 1062 bill, according to reports. That, leaves, as default, the entire state’s Republican-led legislature, to serve as the next official choice to host as a kind of mob representative responsible for the debacle. That is the same group of politicians who passed S,B. 1062, which would have, if signed into law, allowed any business to refuse service to anyone they please based on their own intolerant, biased, pig-headed religious beliefs.
Most likely, many of these same people will be in attendance for the event in Glendale, conveniently located between the city of Phoenix and the Pacific ocean. Like Sochi, it is also in a war zone, as well as a host for a great many gun shows … something I happened to notice on the Phoenix television news broadcasts, and Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito is from there, as well. So is Jan Brewer. That is where she got her degree for a radiology career, which was what she did before she became a politician.
Now, as I still sit here so seasick from the things I have just mentioned and more, I must argue that I, as a resident taxpaying citizen of Arizona, have a share in all of this, which makes me, at least, a host in portions.
Which gives me the right to declare, yes, that I am now taking the Super Bowl in Arizona next year, well, hostage, pirate style. Aye!
Search here soon for upcoming arrangements, events, and so on. For example, I’m thinking of dictating that the game will be between the Denver Broncos and Pittsburgh Pirates (I know, I know, the Pittsburgh Pirates consists of baseball players), but that’s the best way to ensure the game will be a blowout by a 44-0 score … and that the game will be over a few seconds after the first play, just like this year’s game. More to come as events unfold.
In a stream of consciousness decision, the early 20th century author, James Joyce, has been appointed to the recently formed pirate organization intended to host the next Super Bowl in Arizona, if we ever get around to that … According to Joyce …
“Though my efforts may seem dead to the dumbed-down world, and my book, Ulysses, was once seized for being obscene by authorities in New York state, things have calmed down quite a bit since then … personally … and more recently I have become more of a sports fan …. Because the state of Arizona, which doesn’t even tolerate daylight savings, and is therefore unaware of what the time is, or even what century it is, I felt like it was a good time to become an apparition to haunt the state of Arizona, although, as I recall, I didn’t go in much for the rampant spiritualism when I was alive, although, in more recent years, I had become a big fan of Joseph Campbell and Carl Jung after my wake … Now, my main mission as member of this newly formed committee is to make harsh judgment on Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer for allowing reactionaries to let the state burn while she churned about, quite lavishly, and perhaps a little hung over without having the usual bloody Mary in the morning, in order to function as the state’s incredibly malfunctioning leader, to ask one fashionable question posed these days to politicians with something to hide, and who nevertheless stand to profit, in terms of the current polarities brewing, regarding what might be the benefit to herself, as governor considering, even while Arizona burns as an international laughing stock, the musical question: When and where was she when the state legislature was coming up with S.B. 1062 such nonsense in the first place, and why she waited so long to veto it, rather than further embarrass the citizens of this southwestern alcove of phantasmagorical odyssey … as time fades away since the cursed event?
Since it has become unfathomably weird whenever the legislature is gathering to come up with such dumb stuff all of the time, and needs to be watched (no, babysat) closely, and Brewer is a politician who should have known in advance about what was, well, brewing for the Brewster and her party, it’s hard to believe she needed to deliberate much about what already is regarded as unnecessary … since the U.S. government already has guaranteed free speech with regards to freedom of religion … it’s hard to imagine how this dead man walking S.B. 1062 bill couldn’t have been headed off at the pass, as you cowboy, gun-toting Yanks like to call it, without damaging the state’s reputation as it already has been … unless,, of course, it likes that distinction …
Now, other states have been enacting, or trying to enact stuff like this, too, but Arizona is uniquely branded as a hot bed for this kind of baffoonery, and the mythic clock of the small leading the larger, ever-outwinding tick-tocks of the world seem to find this desert wasteland uncommonly amusing … Indeed, the silliness is quite the gift that keeps on giving for whatever liberals the arid zone already has … from the MLK Day debacle in the early 1990s, to the botched debate over racial profiling more recently, and a lot of other perverse lawmaking that only rural areas in far flung Arab lands tend to circulate … So, I ask again: Where were you governor, and what did you know about this, and why didn’t you just stamp it out before things got clearly out of hand?”
The Take Arizona’s Super Bowl Hostage Committee has brought on Raymond Chandler, author of the detective novel, “The Big Sleep,” as its chief investigator. The investigation didn’t take long. No longer, that is, than that point in almost every episode of “Law and Order” when the detectives, after nosing around the streets of New York City knock over every seedy joint and newsy and drug addict for information decide to do a web search to find all of the missing clues they need to instantly find enough to prosecute the case.
In this case, all clues lead to the Cathi Herrod of the right-wing group, The Center for Arizona Policy …
“Sounds pretty innocuous,” stated the late mystery novelist, “but in the river of shit that knows no sleep, you can smell this one from here to Uganda. With a last name like that, no wonder this poor woman has some real religious hang-ups.”
With that, Chandler returned to his eternal big sleep in a puff of pipe smoke.
Chief spokesperson for the committee to further pursue the members of Arizona’s legislature who brought Arizona’s poor civil rights image back to the forehead of the international zeitgeist, the late author James Joyce, said he was pleased that Chandler’s investigation was as inexpensive as it was, and thanked Chandler for his contribution to the literary tradition of the crime novel noir.
The Take Arizona’s Super Bowl Hostage Committee will continue to lobby for a removal of the Super Bowl from the state’s elitist sports binge for as long as the state legislature continues to come with culture war legislation that continues maintain the state’s image as an international reactionary clown.